Aminet 34/Aminet 34 (2000)(Schatztruhe)[!][Dec 1999].iso/Aminet/comm/irc/cybershiela.lha/cs/datingsigns.amirx

Text File | 1999-07-05 | 3KB | 42 lines

/* Quote File Auto Converted to Arexx by Zonkerz */
xx=random(1,35,time('s'))
select
when xx=1 then a="Woman won't unlock car door for man  -  Doesn't engage in oral sex."
when xx=2 then a="Man gets in car withour opening door for woman  -  No foreplay."
when xx=3 then a="Insists on going to a brand new restaurant  -  Prefers virgins."
when xx=4 then a="Insists on going to a brand new restaurant but gets lost on the way-Is a virgin."
when xx=5 then a="Can't hail a cab  -  Impotent."
when xx=6 then a="Insists on going to a homely little cafe with windmill motif -Compulsive Don Quixote."
when xx=7 then a="Insists on going to a romantic candle-lit restaurant - Compulsive Don Juan."
when xx=8 then a="Insists on going to a Polynesian bar  -  Compulsive Don Ho."
when xx=9 then a="Wants to go to a French restaurant  -  Will swallow."
when xx=10 then a="Wants to go to a deli  -  Won't swallow."
when xx=11 then a="Takes too long deciding what to order  -  Has trouble reaching orgasm."
when xx=12 then a="Orders salad dressing on the side  -  Will give you a hand job, but will not go 'all the way'."
when xx=13 then a="Gives explicit orders to waiter  -  Will expect incredibly skillful gymnastics in bed."
when xx=14 then a="Asks for extra rolls  -  Will say she is using birth control when she's not, will get pregnant and sue."
when xx=15 then a="Insists on ordering for you, referring to you as 'The lady will have...'  - Thinks you had an orgasm when you didn't."
when xx=16 then a="Asks for 'The Usual'  -  Insists on missionary position only."
when xx=17 then a="Asks what the specials are  -  Will want you to use handcuffs."
when xx=18 then a="Fills up on bread and crackers  -  Premature ejaculation."
when xx=19 then a="Doesn't finish everything on plate  -  Has already come."
when xx=20 then a="Insists on having some of whatever you orderded  -  Will make you sleep on the wet spot."
when xx=21 then a="Changes mind after ordering  -  Will never call you."
when xx=22 then a="Changes tables  -  Nyphomaniac."
when xx=23 then a="Drinks Decaf.  -  Fakes Orgasm (Female)."
when xx=24 then a="Orders in French  -  Fakes Orgasm (Male)."
when xx=25 then a="Sends food back  -  Will sleep with you, brag to all his friends, then try to borrow money."
when xx=26 then a="Asks for detailed descriptions of desserts  -  Needs you to talk dirty during sex."
when xx=27 then a="Orders a dessert involving ladyfingers  -  Wants a handjob."
when xx=28 then a="Orders a dessert involving nuts  -  Castrating Bitch."
when xx=29 then a="Credit card is refused  -  Low sperm count."
when xx=30 then a="Undertips waiter  -  Small penis."
when xx=31 then a="Undertips parking valet  -  Small penis."
when xx=32 then a="Undertips cabbie  -  Small penis."
when xx=33 then a="Uses toothpick  -  Is trying to tell you size isn't everything."
when xx=34 then a="Removable cassette player in car  -  Pulls out repeatedly during sex."
when xx=35 then a="Cellular phone in car  -  Penile inplant."
end
'say 6 Dating Signs:8' A
exit